


What's a happy ending?

by Ive_never_read_fluff



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Deceit Sanders Angst, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, Hurt Deceit | Janus Sanders, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Okay Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:46:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ive_never_read_fluff/pseuds/Ive_never_read_fluff
Summary: Janus had always wondered what a true happy ending was. He kept hearing Roman say it, and he'd explained it serval times, but still, he didn't under what a 'Happy Ending' was. Maybe it's because he never got one.. unless?
Comments: 8
Kudos: 123





	What's a happy ending?

Janus understood many things. He and Logan would most likely get along well - if Janus wasn't a 'Dark Side', that is. One thing he didn't understand however, is why children were constantly told tales with a happy ending.

Because life didn't work like that.

Life would tear you down at every given opportunity, life would rip itself into your heart and leave deviastion and destruction in it's wake, life made you so it must figure it can do what it pleases with you. It can, I mean, it's life, nothings stoping it. Why give children false hope? Why not just be upfront and teach them to adapt to the cruel, cold, unforgiving truth? Janus doesn't know. Happy endings don't exist; never did and never will. And even if they did, Janus wouldn't want to know, because he knew he'd never get one and he was fine with that.

"What you don't know can't hurt you," He muttered under his breath, too lost in thought to give a damn. "It's the truth." But is it? Is it really? Janus is a liar, it's been proven and he knows what his function is, so it's quite the possibility that he's lying to himself. In fact, he is very familiar with lying to himself.

Why would anyone want the truth when the lies are so, so much sweeter, and kinder, and.. _better_? That's other thing he'd never understand. He did hate lies sometimes, though. For example: the events that led up to Virgil leaving. Janus kept spewing some bullshit lie -- sometimes he swore it wasn't his choice to lie -- that Virgil knew was faked. He'd become an expert at sensing lies, being around Janus so often had it's up sides.

If only Janus didn't lie in that instant - then _maybe_ he could've still been with Virgil. But that's just a maybe, and it couldn't ever have happened. Could it? 

"No, no- it wouldn't work out like that. He would've noticed sooner or later that I'm no good for him." He rambled, not particularly caring when he had started speaking out loud. "What would change that? It wouldn't, nothing could, it was bound to happen. Because obviously it was. If it wasn't then it wouldn't have happened. Right? Of course it's right.. everything has a reason, a why, a how and a when. If it didn't then why did anything happen, if not to have a reason behind it? Oh. What the fuck am I doing? Talking to myself? Real classic Disney Villain move right there," 

He cut himself off, before speaking again. "God.. I really _am_ everything everyone says I am, aren't I." Well, he supposed it didn't matter, no one was around to hear anyway. It'd actually been startling at first. The quiet, lack of noise and yelling, it was certainly odd. He'd been quite lonely without Remus bugging him almost constantly. Though, it was better for Remus to be with the 'Light Sides' - to be a 'Light Side'. Before he'd up and left, he couldn't seem to shut up about how great the others were and how much they'd helped him and how he saw Virgil laugh openly and how everything **was _so_ much fucking nicer over there. **

Remus didn't say it like that, but Janus could tell that's what he was implying. It was him being considerate of Janus' feelings - no doubt something he'd learnt over with the others - and he'd never done that, it even attempted to lessen the bluntness that came with intrusive thoughts. That was the moment he realized he'd lost Remus. 

It didn't seem fair, did it? Of-fucking-course it wasn't. He supposed it was fine, he didn't deserve anything, and everyone else did. He would play the villain, and everyone else could defeat him and live their lives' in bliss. At the very least, he owned that to them. A chance to rid the world of evil. It was his part, and he'd play it perfectly. He was the bad guy and that was fine. Everyone else could be the good guys, the heros and innocent people, that was their role. It was meant to be.

Janus couldn't change that, even if he'd wanted to, not like he could go up to life itself and tell it off. 

He couldn't help but feel the need for something more. Someone more, maybe. But who would want a villian? None of the sides he knew of. Still, some where deep inside him, he had a stupid little whispering voice saying "So were Virgil and Remus, and look where their at now. You can be accepted too."

It was a hopeless venture, and he was sure it would only end in heartbreak. Janus didn't get happy endings. Virgil did, Remus did, and Orange would. Well - he's not so sure about that last one - if he decided to reveal himself, he'd definitely be accepted into the 'Light'. Lying to himself was probably the only thing keeping him from wasting his life away, whether it be crying, drinking, overeating, undereating, or inflicting pain upon himself. 

Janus got really sad some times. It was a trait he shared with Patton, and so, he would repress said feelings. Made himself feel empty, a trait he developed from Logan. Curled up in a ball, struggling to breathe, a thing he'd often saw Virgil do. Yelled at the nothingness in his room, something he'd stopped Roman from doing when everything got to much for him. Stared off into space, either way to many thoughts or not enough thoughts in his head, a habit he'd adapted from Remus. 

He used to be decently close to them when they were younger, much, much younger. And yet the second he lied about something more than being picked on at school or eating sweets before dinner - he was evil, bad, not good, didn't belong, wasn't Light. 

It made him grow to despise Patton. All of the damned 'Light' sides, actually. If they hated him, he'd hate them right back!

Some part of him knew he could never hate them, despite all of his attempts to lie to himself. The most he could do was envy them. Janus did just that. He envied their famILY, envied how inclined to trust them Thomas was, envied how easily they got along, envied how happy they were, envied the fact that they had upped and took his famILY and that he knew it was for the best, envied every detail about them. Most of all though, he envied the happy ending they got. 

Happy endings didn't exist for Janus. But that doesn't mean they didn't exist for the people around him. He was fine with it. He was a liar, and he was fine with it. He wasn't fine, and he was a liar. He didn't need nor did he want love, and he was a liar. He was a liar. 

But even liars should get some form of a happy ending right? No. That's wrong, bad guys don't get happy endings, the heros and innocent people do. Heros and innocent people. 

And Janus was fine with that, he was a liar, and he was fine, he was a liar, and he didn't want a happy ending. He was a liar. Janus was alone, left to rot, left to die, left to hurt and scream and cry and be desperate. And he didn't want a happy ending! And he was a liar.. and he was fine. And he had a happy ending. Just not what most people would call it. Suicide was the only way out. Until it wasn't, until he accepted the facts that he couldn't die unless Thomas did, until he settled on bringing large amounts of pain upon himself, until he gave up fighting the tears and the emotions, until he made quite possibly the biggest mistake so far. 

He'd given up hiding what he was feeling. Janus hadn't been expecting to be summoned, so he was doing what had become his norm, lazing around in his room, sometimes stoping to let out dry sobs, or to hug himself. Then he felt the tug. 

Scariest part was; he wasn't thinking of what they'd say, or why they needed him, or anything really. He was just.. there. 

It was a shock to all the Sides in front of him. Janus had very noticeable bags under his eyes, his eyes looked as if he'd either been on a constant stream of weed or he'd been crying constantly for a month. The look in his eyes would haunt all of them, he looked as if he lost all hope, his very will to live, like he was completely and utterly without emotions but full of emotion all at the same time. Janus' skin was pale, even more so then Virgil. And he was much skinner than he'd been when they'd last saw him, his face hollowed and at first glance you'd notice how his bones stuck out of his body. His legs trembled, as if they couldn't support the little weight Janus had, or if he hadn't used them at all. His clothes hung off him, the cloak looked about 5 sizes to big for him, the gloves looked as if they could fit two more hands in each one, the pants hung off him.

It was a miracle he was still alive. Not that Sides could die, but still, it was more than concerning. "Deceit?!" Patton shrieked, just now coming back to reality. He started to lunge forward, only to realize Remus was already there, asking him far too many questions. "Are you okay? What happened? Was it Orange? Did you do this to yourself? Why? DeeDee? Are you even alive right now? Can you hear me? Was it me? Why?"

Janus just sat there, not affected by the questions, barely registering them, and not noticing he was now sitting. 

Patton was beyond crying at this point. Why would his kiddo do this? Did he even do it to himself? Sure, they'd had some major disagreements, but he was still his kiddo! "Deceit?" Patton said, much softer this time. Janus shifted his eyes up to look at Patton. 

"W-what..?" His voice raspy and strained from not using it. Janus didn't care, and that much was clear. It was unsettling - to say the least. The others in the room shared a look, as if to say 'what do we do?'. Logan stepped forward. "Get up and situate yourself on the couch, if you will." As he began walking off, he added to his previous sentence. "If you do not, one of us will do it for you." 

Janus couldn't find the will to move himself, much less question why they were bothering to act as if they cared. After it became apparent to the others that he wasn't moving, Remus lifted him up while Patton rushed to get the softest blankets he could find for Janus. 

Logan returned with nearly everything he could think to bring, Roman following right behind him. 

While they were busy fussing over him, Janus felt the sweet, sweet feeling of unconsciousness slowly wash over him. He, surprisingly, almost thought about fighting against it. But he didn't. He didn't care. Couldn't care. 

He was the villian, the bad guy, the evil entity, his very being could bring The Great Depression back. He was fine with that. _And he was a liar._ ~~_And he is a liar._~~

_"Liar."_

_"Monster."_

_"Evil."_

_"Villian."_

_"Bad."_

_"Snake."_

_"Hideous."_

_"Gross."_

Janus couldn't quiet the thoughts in his head. Not like he really even cared at this point, they were practically background music. He faintly thought he'd heard a voice calling out to him. 

Oh wait - there was. He also became hyperaware of the hand tightly gripping to his own, and the trembling hands running through his hair, no doubt trying to remain calm, but failing. "Dee, Dee, you gotta wake up, it's just a bad dream." Someone said. Remus? Yeah, Remus was the one who said that. His eyes snapped opened. A groan made its way out of Janus' mouth, his eyes slamming shut upon seeing the blinding light. 

"It's okay Dee." 

And Janus couldn't help but believe it.

From that point on, it was. And it would be.

Okay.

He was okay, finally, he got his happy ending. 

He finally understood. Janus couldn't be more happy at that.

Janus got his happy ending.

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably one of the only okay-ish ending you'll get from me, so enjoy it :]] 
> 
> (Edit: spelling)


End file.
